Advice From Aijinae

by Asia-Amani101

Boys, boys, boys!!! Being in a 6 month relationship has taught me so much this year. During my relationship I learned that in order to really have a relationship you have to be able to trust the person you're with and be able to forgive them. As easy as it sounds it's really hard. Relationships are like roller-coasters and after being on it with all the ups and downs, and loop 'd' loops you have no choice but to get off. I was on a big Relationship Roller-Coaster with lots of ups and downs, and most of the time I just got off.

It all started one October night. We were talking on the phone, and since we were already friends it wasn't hard to start a conversation and get straight to the point. He liked me, and I liked him- why not get together? The beginning of everything is always fun and cute, but then as time goes by you have disagreements and that's how it all falls apart. Take it from someone who knows, I have been there done that. Here's my story.

Trust: I never had a problem with trusting him before. I was able to tell him everything and he could do the same, but after our first breakup that changed. I could still trust him, but not as much as before. After we broke up there were all these rumors about how he was going with another girl while with me. I didn't know who to believe. Him because he's my boyfriend, my sister because she's been through the same thing, my friends because they know and they might be right, or myself because at the end of the day it's me who decides what I'm going to do.
Well, unfortunately I believed everyone but him, and we ended up breaking up.

At the beginning I didn't feel so bad, I found someone else, and wished him the best of luck with the "new"girl. As time went on I felt that I was missing something that I really cared about. Did I make the wrong decision and move on too quick, or was I just sprung? Sprung, never will that happen, but missing someone, yes, that's what it was. We went to mediation, and talked about what happened, and how we really felt about each other. Even though we were back together and had settled our disagreements and put our differences aside, I still wasn't really over the whole conflict. I did trust him and everything he said, but was what he was telling me the actual truth??

The Difference Between Need & Want: As a girl you never need a boy to be with you, you might want him there every step of the way, but you don't need him. When you need a boy it's like you can't live without him, he's what makes you function. If a boy ever says you need him, tell him to think twice, you didn't need him in the past, you won't need him in the future, and in the present you’re both together and you want him with you. Needing and wanting are two different things in my eyes. Like a phone for example, you really want the phone because you like it, whereas for food you need it to survive. See the difference? Most girls think they need a boy because they are in love, but if you really think about it as long as you have your family and God you don't need anyone- especially a boy.

Love: To most people love is just a four letter word, and others have a whole different meaning. What is love to me? Well, to me I see it as either you love someone like you care about them a lot, or you’re in love with someone and you want to be with them forever, and you’re ready to be committed to that person. There’s more to love than you and I both know. When you think you’re falling in love something happens and that all changes. To me if you love someone and you want to be with them, then you should really mean it, and no matter if you break up or not you will still love them. You can love your best friend, but that doesn't mean you’re in love with them and you want to be committed to them, that just means you care a lot.

What I’ve Learned: Most people might think differently about what I'm saying but from my experience, and how I feel about relationships and boys, this is how I look at it. I have learned so much in six months, and it all has made me open my eyes and look into the real world and realize that there is more to come, and the older I get the harder it's going to be. This is only my opinion; I can't speak for everyone, and everyone might not agree, But it's how I feel. Each of those topics taught me something different, and affected a different part of me, but they all showed me to believe in myself, and aim for my goals. I know that no matter how much I'm going through I can still succeed, and have a good relationship.