i cant leave. i dont want to. new york will just be another place that will make a fool out of myself again. im sick and tired of being like this. the more i stay like this, ill just go insane. algernon’s gone. nobody loves me anymore. ive done terrible things to them. i said mean things to Dr. Strauss and all the other people that were my friends. they probably hate me now. theyre only pretending to be sorry for me because im dumb. im in love with miss kinnian. ive tried very hard to forget her. i seem to be forgetting everything like my intelligence, but not her. i want to go back. i want to go back to the beginning and start all over again.
ive been out in the streets all night, and ive just realized that im penniless. im a bum. im a person without any identification. im not going to get a job this way. i need help. i need a home. no, ill just sleep in the bushes. thatll save some money. i don’t want to go back yet. itll be too hard to face those people so soon. i need time. i wish i never agreed to do the experiment because now ive lost everything.
i miss my mom and dad. why they left me all alone in this world i never knew. i dont want to know. i hate them. i wish i met them so i could just kill them for giving birth to me, an unwanted child. im the most ungrateful creature in this world. yesterday i met this guy named Jimmy. he told me, “since your so sad and depressed, why dont u just commit sucide? its the best solution. Jump off a bridge!” ive been considering that, but im too scared to do it myself. someone else should commit my sucide for me.
i talked to a kitty yesterday. it was a silky black furred one. it talked back to me. isnt that so cool? ME. the only person in the world who can communicate with a kitty. i was walking down the street the other day, and i heard the stop sign and all these cars talking about me! they told me i had pretty eyes. im so thrilled. i cant wait to share this news to Jimmy, my new BFF. A spoon told me that its husband cheated on it. can you believe that? who would do such a thing?! its husband is one backstabbing two-faced spoon!
i had a really bad headache last night and i roamed around the streets while listening to the streetlights whispering to me. i bumped into a very pretty woman, and she told me her name was miss kinnian. she hugged me and told me how much she was worried about me. i dont know who she is, but it just feels good to know that someone still cares for me.
7 years ago